Co-parenting at Christmas
Christmas is already a busy time of the year and lots of us work hard to prepare and hope for it to be a joyful and happy event that will provide us with many happy memories for all the family and for years to come. However, for co-parents, it can also bring stress and some unique challenges as you navigate possible difficult coparenting relationships having shared responsibilities of your children. With a little forward planning, communication, and empathy, co-parenting over Christmas can be a positive experience for everyone involved. Here are some top tips to help make the festive season smoother and more enjoyable.
1. If you Can Try to Plan Ahead and Communicate Clearly with your Coparent
Communicating about Christmas, planning early and open communication gives time for everyone to work out and agree what will work well. Remember, the goal is prioritizing your children's happiness. Discussions should include anything that is important to you, your child, and your coparent. Consider where your children will spend Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and any other significant moments. Work together with your coparent on timings, travel arrangements, and any special traditions you’d like to maintain. You may find that writing everything down in a shared calendar or app can help to avoid misunderstandings down the track. Our Family Wizard or Appclose are two apps you may find useful to support you in your coparenting journey.
Tip: Approach these discussions with flexibility and a willingness to compromise. Ultimately healthy coparenting is in the best interests of your children.
2. Focus on the Children
Christmas is a magical time for children, and their joy should be at the center of your family plans. Let's also consider and hold space for the thought that whilst decorating the tree, baking cookies, or opening presents, your children could have some feelings about your coparent not being with them.
Tip: Reassure your child that they’ll have a wonderful time with both families.
3. Be Flexible
If sharing Christmas Day itself isn’t possible, consider arranging a Facetime call or record a special video to send to the other parent. Work out a plan to celebrate Christmas on different days. For example, one parent could have Christmas Eve while the other parent celebrates on Boxing Day. Children often enjoy the idea of having “two Christmases,” so make each celebration special in its own way.
Tip: When you remember and remind yourself that positive coparenting is about your child then you know you're doing what is right for them, even if this year it's not your turn for Christmas day.
4. Keep the Spirit of "my child's happiness is my priority" alive
When the plans go pear shaped and things don't go to schedule, try to avoid arguments or negative comments, especially in front of the children. Do not put your child in the middle of your conflicts. Instead, fake it until you make it if you have to and focus on working as a team to keep a positive atmosphere.
Tip: If tensions arise, take a step back and wait until you are in a suitable frame of mind to be able to have a chat with your coparent to work out an agreeable solution moving forward.
5. Share the Magic of Your Children
Encourage your children to make or choose gifts for their other parent. This simple act fosters kindness and shows them the importance of generosity and thoughtfulness. This also supports positive role modeling of healthy adult relationships after separation.
Tip: Homemade gifts or shared experiences, like a family movie night, can be just as special.
6. Self Care
Amid the hustle and bustle of the season, don’t forget to prioritize your own well-being. Co-parenting can be emotionally draining, you matter, you can't pour from an empty cup, so make time for you, whether it’s a quiet evening with a good book, a festive outing with friends, or simply taking a moment to breathe.
If co-parenting challenges feel overwhelming, don’t hesitate to seek support. This could be from a trusted friend, family member, or even a mediator or counselor. Sometimes, having a neutral third party can help facilitate smoother communication and resolve conflicts.
Tip: Remember, a happy and calm parent is the best gift you can give your children.
Final Thoughts
Co-parenting over Christmas may be joyous or stressful and most certainly requires extra effort, but it’s also an opportunity to show your children how to manage healthy relationships. With a focus on your children's well-being at the heart of every decision you and your coparent make your children will learn love, cooperation, and resilience. I hope that you can work together to create a festive season filled with joy, warmth, and cherished memories.
Here’s to a harmonious and magical Christmas for you and your family! 🎄✨